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How to Manage Your Coworkers

  Your relationship with your coworkers is almost as important as your relationship with your boss. After all, you see them more often than your boss, you need them in order to get your own job done, and their day-to-day behavior is a huge part of your work experience.

  Just as you must manage your relationship with your boss, you must also manage the relationships you have with your coworkers. You want them to help you become more successful while you do the same for them.

  This part of the book helps you understand your coworkers better so you can work together to achieve mutual goals. It also helps you know what to do with coworkers who are not, well, all that helpful.

  This part of the book is organized as follows:

  “How to Earn Respect from Your Peers” explains what you can and should do regularly to ensure that your coworkers think of you as a valuable contributor and important part of their team.

  “How to Play Clean Office Politics” provides a simple model for interacting with coworkers so they help you out and you help them out. The emphasis here is on making the kind of deals that help everyone become more successful.

  “How to Recruit a Mentor” gives guidance for finding a coworker (usually not your boss) who will take a personal interest in your career and help you navigate the complexities of your job.

  “The Ten Types of Annoying Coworker” describes people you’ll probably run into sooner or later and how to deal with their odd (and often amusing) behavior patterns.

  “How to Handle Corporate Lawyers” deals with the special case of working with lawyers, who have a habit of “gumming up” the smooth flow of business. I explain how to use them effectively, rather than let them become roadblocks.

  “How to Use Social Media” explains how to position yourself online so your coworkers (and everyone else you work with) understand who you are and what you’re trying to accomplish.

  “How to Shine in a Meeting” teaches you how to avoid meetings that are useless to your career and how to look good in those meetings that you either elect to attend or simply must attend.

  SECRET 8

  How to Earn Respect from Your Peers

  Contrary to popular belief, you can’t get respect from a job title or a position on an organizational chart. There are six ways to earn respect, regardless of the organization you’re in or the role you’ve been hired to fill:

  1. BE YOURSELF, NOT YOUR ROLE.

  Sometimes people think they must create a persona in order to command the respect of others. Bosses think they should be authority figures, salespeople think they should be fast talkers, engineers think they should be nerds, and so forth.

  However, who you really are is more likely to command respect than your ability to play a role that’s unnatural to you. People have a natural ability to detect fakery, and see fakers as untrustworthy, insecure, and ultimately insignificant.

  On the other hand, people are drawn to individuals who truly are what they seem to be. Being yourself (and at your best for whoever you are) is therefore the foundation of earning respect.

  2. SHOW CURIOSITY ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

  If you’re curious about other people, you listen, truly listen, to what they have to say. When people realize that they’re really being heard, they’ll tell you what’s important (to them) about their jobs, their dreams, their fears, their goals.

  That knowledge not only gives you perspective on how to do your job better, but also helps you see how you can best help others. That’s essential, because whenever you help other people, it increases their respect for you.

  In a larger sense, curiosity about other people helps you do just about any job better. Bosses more easily manage people when they understand them, salespeople more easily discover customer needs, and engineers even build products that more people want to use.

  3. GIVE CREDIT WHERE DUE.

  There are times (such as when you’re updating your social media profile) when you’ll want to toot your own horn. However, if you want your coworkers to respect you, you’ll make those times few and far between.

  In business, almost every accomplishment is a team effort. When you publicly praise the people who helped you get your job done, they (and everyone else) will be far more likely to help you next time around.

  More important, giving credit where it’s due shows respect for others, which in turn creates more respect for you.

  4. DRESS APPROPRIATELY FOR THE JOB.

  Rightly or wrongly, people judge based on the visual signals you provide to them. When you meet people for the first time, they take in everything about you: your clothes, watch, jewelry, briefcase, makeup, muscle tone, facial expression, and so forth.

  It is therefore in your interest to think about how the overall “package” is likely to seem to the other person. Consciously create a set of visual signals that is likely to communicate that you’re a person with whom the other person would want to do business.

  If you’re not naturally style-conscious, the best way to hone your appearance is to get feedback from a colleague or perhaps your boss. If there’s a problem, make adjustments until you’re presenting a visual image that matches your ambition.

  Does this mean that you might have to spend money buying expensive clothes? Absolutely, if the nature of the job demands it. If you can’t afford “the look,” make getting the right clothes your top financial priority.

  5. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

  Nobody respects motormouths or blabbermouths. Therefore, whenever you intend to say something, take a moment to frame your thoughts and decide how best to communicate them.

  Pausing before you speak not only keeps you from half-articulating half-baked ideas, it also makes you seem thoughtful and more wise. And if you’re responding to somebody’s comments, it shows you’ve taken the time to digest what you’ve heard.

  Thinking before speaking also prevents you from spreading gossip and saying things that you’ll later regret. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

  6. ARTICULATE WITH AUTHORITY.

  When people get nervous, their voices tend to move upward so the sound emerges from the nose, which turns even deep wisdom into an irritating whine. Speaking from your chest makes you sound (and feel) more confident and therefore worthy of respect.

  Similarly, mid-sentence verbal tics (“uhhh…,” “you know…,” “I mean…,” etc.) and a questioning uptick at the end of a sentence make you sound unsure and vague. People will respect you more if you sound as if you know what you’re talking about.

  Sometimes bad verbal habits are so ingrained that the speaker doesn’t even notice them. Record yourself and listen to how you really sound. Practice until you sound confident, both to yourself and to others.

  SHORTCUT

  EARNING RESPECT FROM COWORKERS

  BE yourself rather than your role.

  SHOW interest in other people.

  ALWAYS share the limelight.

  DRESS and groom to match your ambitions.

  PAUSE before speaking to mentally frame your thoughts.

  SPEAK from your chest without verbal tics or end-of-sentence rises in pitch.

  SECRET 9

  How to Play Clean Office Politics

  Most people think office politics are bad for business. Nothing could be further from the truth. Office politics are an integral part of getting things done, whether you’re the CEO, a salesperson, or an intern hired for the summer.

  The word politics comes from the Greek politikos, which means “of, for, or relating to citizens.” Far from being something negative, politics are nothing less than the art and science of influencing people.

  Below is a four-step approach to office politics that doesn’t resort to tricks or deception (aka dirty politics, which are bad for business as described in “Secret 43. How to Thwart Dirty Office Politics”):

  1. UNCOVER AND UNDERSTAND NEEDS.

 
Playing politics consists of balancing the needs of multiple people so they can come together to make a decision. In business, people have four general types of needs:

  1. Personal needs reflect the personality of the individual and what that individual expects and wants out of an experience, such as recognition, compensation, challenge, amusement, and so forth.

  2. Career needs consist of the individual’s plans to achieve those personal needs by moving through different jobs and companies. Career needs emerge from personal needs. For example, a need to be in the limelight is a personal need; the need to become a lead programmer (in order to be in the limelight) is a career need.

  3. Job needs consist of the resources individuals require to advance their career needs and personal needs. For example, in order for the title of “lead programmer” to be meaningful, there must be a staff of programmers to lead.

  4. Organizational needs are the total job needs of the individuals within a group. For example, in order for there to be a lead programmer and a staff of programmers to lead, the organization might need a new computer and new software for the programmers to program upon.

  Once you understand your own needs (on various levels) and the needs of those you work with, you’re ready to play politics.

  2. BUILD ALLIANCES.

  Office politics consist of making deals to support the satisfying of another’s needs in return for that person’s support in the satisfying of your needs.

  For example, if you’ve got a colleague who wants to be head programmer and you want to be manager of quality control, you might tell the colleague: “I’ll support your bid to become head programmer if you’ll support my bid to become manager of quality control.”

  The keys to making such alliances work are thus (1) figuring out what you want, (2) figuring out what the other person wants, and (3) agreeing to get there together.

  Take care when building alliances. As a general rule, you want to work with people who can be trusted both to hold up their side of the deal and to do the right thing by the rest of the firm.

  For example, you probably don’t want to make a deal that involves promoting a complete idiot to be Chief Technical Officer—at least, not if you want your firm to succeed.

  However, if, all things considered, it really doesn’t matter all that much whether Jack or Jill gets the promotion, it’s OK to support Jill if she’s the one who’s more willing and able to reciprocate the favor. (And, of course, so much the better if you’re certain that Jill is the better choice.)

  3. TRACK FAVORS AND OBLIGATIONS.

  In addition to alliances, politics consist of a less formal trading of favors. Again, it’s a simple concept: you do a favor for somebody and then, at a later date, you get to “call in” the favor by asking that person to do something for you. And vice versa, naturally.

  Playing office politics therefore requires that you keep close track of whom you owe and about how much, and who owes you and about how much.

  Knowing the first keeps you from being blindsided by unexpected requests. Knowing the second allows you to assess whether or not you’ve got the political power to achieve your goal, if politics are needed to achieve it.

  It need hardly be said that trading favors is a great way to strengthen your alliances.

  Some negotiation is usually involved in assessing the value of past favors versus the value of future favors. Be aware that everyone has his or her own mental tally, which might not agree 100 percent with yours.

  4. LINE UP YOUR DUCKS.

  All this effort comes to fruition at decision-making time. Your goal is to make certain (as far as possible) that everybody is supporting the decision you prefer, by making your alliances and indulging in favor-trading.

  For example, suppose your firm has a choice between two software vendors. Your research tells you Vendor A is the right choice, but you’re aware that some of the misguided dunderheads you work with believe that Vendor B is a better option.

  When the big meeting takes place to decide which vendor to hire, you want as many people as possible at the conference room table predisposed to agree with you that the company should go with Vendor A. You therefore use politics to fill the meeting with your dependable allies.

  Similarly, suppose you want a promotion but there’s another candidate vying for it. This is an excellent time to call in your markers and have your allies heap praise upon you and insist you’d be perfect for the job.

  SHORTCUT

  USING POLITICS TO GET THINGS DONE

  FIND out what other people need and want.

  BUILD mutually useful alliances with those you can trust.

  KEEP track of the favors you owe and the ones owed you.

  USE your alliances at key points to help achieve your goals.

  SECRET 10

  How to Recruit a Mentor

  A mentor is a coworker or colleague, usually older and hopefully wiser, who takes a personal interest in you, provides advice and guidance, and uses his or her connections to help move your career forward.

  1. UNDERSTAND THE RELATIONSHIP.

  Misconceptions surround mentoring (and being mentored), which makes it easy to think mentoring is a bigger deal than it actually is.

  On the one hand, popular culture encourages gooey romanticism connected with the idea of a zen master taking a young novice under his wing. (Think Yoda and Luke Skywalker.) On the other hand, you’ve got companies that launch “mentoring programs” that are integrated into their official employee orientation, as if there were some way to formalize a relationship that, by its very nature, is informal.

  The reality lies somewhere in between. Chances are that as you proceed in your career, you’ll have a number of relationships in which another person agrees to spend his or her time and energy helping you.

  Your mentors won’t be Yoda, but (if you’re lucky) they’ll be more than just some old fart whom HR assigned to be your mentor because it decided he needed something extra to do with his time.

  It’s pretty obvious what you’re getting out of the mentoring relationship: access to experience, perspective, and contacts. What the mentor gets out of it is a little more complex.

  Some mentors have a strong need to teach, some crave the gratitude, and others may simply want somebody in the organization who they know will watch their backs. As you work with your mentor, you’ll figure out what’s wanted in return.

  2. KNOW WHAT YOU LACK.

  The first step to finding a mentor is realizing that you’ve got a hole in your experience that you can’t plug by reading a book or taking a seminar.

  Suppose you’re a natural at programming but weak at understanding people. If your goal is to be an engineering manager, you’ll need to know how to handle personnel issues. That’s hard to learn from a book but easier if somebody coaches you.

  In my personal case, it was the other way around. I always understood people fairly well, but when I started out in high tech, I lacked any useful technical skills. That led to my first mentor, who taught me the basics of programming and system design.

  You do not need to work in the same building, or even the same company, as your mentor. I’ve mentored (and been mentored by) people I’ve never met in person, but with whom I frequently traded e-mails and phone calls.

  3. ASK FOR ADVICE, NOT TO BE MENTORED.

  Asking for advice is a compliment to whomever you ask, and most people enjoy teaching what they’ve learned. However, asking somebody to be your mentor is just plain creepy. It’s like asking somebody to marry you after you’ve just met.

  Mentorships develop over time. Mentors find that they enjoy providing advice and guidance and continue to make themselves available. Those being mentored find they enjoy getting advice and express gratitude for it.

  There’s no specific point at which the relationship changes from one of simply giving and receiving advice to something ongoing.

  4. BE KIND WHEN YOU OUTGROW IT.

  There will come a time when y
ou no longer need the advice and guidance of your mentor. When that happens the relationship must change, which can be painful for the mentor.

  As any parent who has raised children to adulthood knows, it’s bittersweet when your children no longer need you. The same thing is true of mentors. Therefore, when you’ve outgrown the relationship, don’t just dump your mentor.

  Get some distance but keep the connection going. Hopefully what started as a mentoring relationship will develop into a friendship between equals.

  SHORTCUT

  RECRUITING A MENTOR

  MENTORS crave to teach people what they’ve learned.

  SEEK out mentors who have experience and skills you lack.

  ASK for advice and let the relationship develop.

  BE kind when you outgrow the relationship.

  SECRET 11

  The Ten Types of Annoying Coworker

  Most of the time, getting along with coworkers is simply a matter of being a reasonably nice person and minding your own business. However, there are ten types of coworker who can be real hassles. Here’s how to deal with them:

  1. THE WAFFLER

  Because they’re afraid that they might get blamed for making a bad decision, wafflers study everything to death, always seeking a mythical single last bit of information that will make everything clear.

  Wafflers hope to avoid a decision until circumstances make that decision unnecessary. If the indecision creates failure through inaction, the waffler becomes indignant when held responsible. “It’s not MY fault!”